“I don’t know who you are-” “I’m a goat.” “I don’t know what you want-” “Goat stuff.” “If it’s money you’re after-” “Nah, like hay & shit.”
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) July 23, 2014
*NASA Headquarters* Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity? Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.
— Mattguyver (@shadygrenade) July 5, 2014
Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar? Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers
— Mike F (@animaldrumss) November 4, 2013
how much would it cost? “the guy who does our estimates isn’t here right now” around what time will he be back? “did you not just hear me?”
— Brent (@murrman5) July 22, 2014
well, 75% of you passed math and will not have to come to summer school [from the back] “what about the other 65% of us?”
— Brent (@murrman5) July 21, 2014
I’ve got good news for you Mrs. Smith! It’s a bouncing baby boy! Oops, I really thought he’d bounce. I’ve got awful news for you Mrs. Smith!
— Brian (@Black__Elvis) January 6, 2014
lol what the fuck are all these books? “Keith, this is the library, man” oh.. *whispers* what the fuck are all these books?
— k e e t (@KeetPotato) August 8, 2013
columbus’ diary aug 3rd 4:00pm: set sail for india, in high spirits aug 3rd 4:06pm: i have no idea where we are
— k e e t (@KeetPotato) June 23, 2014