My dog called me and asked me to wire him $800 dollars in Oklahoma. Only after I did it did I think: I just saw him. No way he's in Oklahoma
—
(@Ristolable) February 23, 2025[cops knock on my door]
"Sir?"
"Nobody's home."
"Who said that then?"
"My dog."
"Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"
—
David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 14, 2025****
dude I think that snake ate your dog
"WHAT"
*runs over*
"how do we even check"
I know
*leans down*
who's a good boy
*snake goes fuckin nuts*
—
k e e t (@KeetPotato) September 18, 2025"Honey, why is there pollen on your bra?"
[A 6ft bumble bee in a muscle vest bursts out of the bathroom]
"CUZ U CANT SATISFY HER BRUH"
—
Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 16, 2025****
Can you imagine if a bird got on a plane and sat in one of the seats? I'd absolutely lose it. "You don't need to be here" I'd say
—
(@Ristolable) April 16, 2025Remember that weird kid who ate the batteries in middle school? Well he’s a millionaire now! Just kidding, he died. He ate batteries.
—
(@Ristolable) March 28, 2025****
Gurl are you Quantum Mechanics 'cause you got 10 different interpretations of everything, none of which fully corresponds with reality.
—
Mike Bianchi (@Mike_Bianchi) May 28, 2025Scientists have found that the reason wolves howl at the moon is because they're sick of its bullshit. "Fuck the moon" said one researcher.
—
Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) September 11, 2025****
"Kids, don't look directly at the sun"
[Sun pulls out a knife]
"what the FUCK are you lookin' at punk"
"Nothing man, we cool, we cool"
—
Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 07, 2025"hang on babe just need to clear my throat"
[Stands on table]
"I find my throat... not guilty! hahahahaha wait Sharon come back"
—
Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) August 30, 2025****
For a carpenter, Jesus sure had a hard time carrying two pieces of wood up a hill
—
Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) September 16, 2025"I'll see you in hell" should be followed with "and I won't even stop to say hi". Otherwise you're just making plans with someone you hate
—
ballin' ass furlin (@thefurlinator) January 10, 2025****
*buys a bunch of stuff at Costco*
Sir, you wanna box for those?
"Nah, I hate violence. Can I just pay cash?"
—
Terry F (@daemonic3) August 28, 2025Lawyer: We plead insanity. As you can see your honor, the loss has made my client lose his mind.
(Judge, whispering) up in here, up in here.
—
(@Thynebear) September 03, 2025****
I'm on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?
—
Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) April 28, 2025*stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset*
Sara?
*Gets down on one knee*
*audible gasp*
"Yes?"
Help my knee is made of magnets
—
GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) January 10, 2025****
"Dad, what's mom mean by her time of the month?"
Well son
*touches his shoulder*
It means
*pushes son down and runs*
ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) September 11, 2025"You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder."
"Look, I'm a lot of things--"
"Are you a murderer?"
[bites lower lip]
"Little bit."
—
David Hughes (@david8hughes) September 10, 2025
Carry On..on..on..on….TODers ;)
Congrats Nena for the Au….as you would put it! :)
:cool:
Triplets, HF!
Ah yes, I see Carol and MP came through the door with you, Nena :) Great company to be in!!
Nena for the AU!!! :)
Some of the very best funnies, ever, NW!!! :D :D
Hey You, Doc. ;)
Thanks, Bob.
Am still :D :D :D about several, but especially the ‘can you imagine if a bird got on a plane …..’ :D :D :D
Good day!
:)
Hi Nena and Carol - gold for you two.
Hi Judith Fardig.
Mighty Pamela is the other part of our Triangle.
Triplets Gold :star:
Ha! That was a fluke, fun tho!
Surprised WP allowed my comments. I have not been able to post now for over 20 plus minutes.
Grrr, sorry Nena, the spam detector is malfunctioning yet again, found you and GGail in there!
Gee, Thanks Chips. I was about to call it a night. Thanks for finding Us…..GGail and Neena :) as LP calls me…..I am thinking off adopting it. The extra E..is for Elegant……suits and works with my 4eyes ;)
:-) Sorry again Nena, it’s MADDENING!!!
I was in spam???
When?What was it that I said that landed me there???!!!???!
The spam detector decided that this particular comment by you needed to be trashed:
“ROFL.”
I am not kidding!!!!! :lol:
Oh hahahahaha! too funny! Thanks for freeing my laughter Chips :D :D :D
I promise - no more Rolling On The Floor Laughing :D
:lol: I think the spam people just have no sense of humor, so they’ve banned l.a.u.g.h.i.n.g.
Hmmm, tell me - where was NW when I was sent to spam????
Ah ha, good question! Punishment for United-edness?????
Perhaps…
Just put te T in there, you will shoot thru like greased lightning!! ROTFLMAO!!
Great tweets. Thanks NW.
See you all tomorrow :)
Thanks, Nena. Glad you enjoyed them.
And Mighty Pamela - missed you last time/
Quite alright, Judith, I missed it too!! :)
So Cute.
Bo, where is your sister, Sunny?
I love my President - look forward to hearing him speak at the CBC dinner this evening. :)
They’re an absolute howl Nerdy, still weeping at:
“You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder.”
“Look, I’m a lot of things-”
“Are you a murderer?”
[bites lower lip] “Little bit.”
LOL. That one cracked me up too.
Glad you liked them, Chips.
So the idiot from Alaska is going to speak about the coffee cup POTUS saluted the marines, but she has nothing to say about that man from Fox making that disrespectful comment about the woman pilot flying the plane in Syria.
So the Indian PM, Modi, is still here in US.
He’s speaking Live on MSNBC.
This concert has been wonderful
O’Malley seems to be a very prominent campaigner this year. He’s all over stumping for folks :)
Smart man, picking the people he’d like to work with, or to have support him going forward.
but, but I thought Obama is a corporate stooge who serves his rich plantation masters!?1#&@
(Yes, I’ve had a cocktail. Why do you ask?)
Samantha Power introduced him…….
There is NOTHING quite as pungent as a dog fart. Bad Stewie. Bad Stewie.
And not to be vulgar, but why do Danny’s all smell the same, even when he eats completely different things?
Stewie’s do as well.
It’s 2014 - lets learn to be more tolerant of doggies expelling unwanted gas! :)
eh, he was blissfully unaware of his toxic gas warfare.
As he should! Good boy - Stewie. :)
At least the police chief did not “fire” at him……..
BREAKING
Give one to Stewie, it might cure his bottom bubbles.
The missus would be so pissed if Stewie became a tippler like his dad.
What time do POTUS suppose to speak tonight>
Chips, will you post the President speaking at the CBC tonight? Please???!!!!!
That’s up next GGoooooooal - post sitting in drafts, ready to rock and roll :cool:
9:0 EDT: The President delivers remarks at the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation’s 44th Annual Legislative Conference Phoenix Awards Dinner at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center. The First Lady also attends.
Have I told you lately that I love you <3
Not often enough GGoooooooal, not often enough :roll:
Ok, cool it with the gooooaaal stuff, we’re on a NW post…again. I don’t want to end up in spam mysteriously again :D
Just finished the most delicious book—-for me anyway—-and probably only if you grew up in Mason City, Iowa. Noticed on hometown news website that this girl I knew would be in town signing copies of her book, The Days of Song and Lilacs, a Midwest Book Award finalist. Ordered the book, and it has been so fun to read, knew every person, place, event, triggered so many memories. Much of the book was about her connection to Mason City’s own, Meredith Wilson, of Music Man fame. River City was Mason City. Learned about where the idea for Music Man originated. Wilson would hang out in the music store when he returned home. I know that store well—-bought my drumsticks, piano music there and spent many hours listening to new 45’s in those little listening booths there. Wilson and store owner were talking about the North Iowa Band Festival, a big local event every year, and were marveling that 100 bands would participate—-every single town in the surrounding area sent an accomplished marching band. Music store owner said ‘well, that might be because a certain music store owner went to all those small towns and gave all the kids a “music capability test” and guess what—-they all passed.’ And the pleased parents would all come to his store to buy their instruments. Voila! And I recall that every kid played some kind of musical instrument—-many would credit Iowa’s always high test scores to this huge participation in music. One of the photos included in the book was of the big band festival parade celebrating the world premiere in Mason City of The Music Man movie, and there on main street (Federal) was my parents store and I see my dad by the awning, and I am in there somewhere, my dad brought out a ladder for me to sit on top for viewing above the crowd. Won’t continue to bore—-could go on and on about the content— but I agree with the author that our hometown was a “magical and musical” place—-for dozens of reasons, just a great place to grow up. And agree with her with this about music, a quote she uses to begin and end her book: “For a few moments music makes us larger than we really are, and the world more orderly than it really is. As our brains are thrown into overdrive, we feel our very existence expand and realize that we can be more than we normally are, and that the world is more than it seems. That is cause for ecstasy.”
s
Not boring. Thank you for sharing a wonderful story and all so personal. Lovely! Wish we still had that much musician our schools. It is so very important. That was my main focus from jr. high through graduation………played piano, sang in glee club and a girls’ ensemble for 3 years. We were GOOD………traveled all over the area singing for many groups/activities. Helped build self-confidence and made so many wonderful memories.
Thank you Dotster for sharing your thoughts with us on the book, and your memories about going into that music stores when you were a kid, and watching the Band Festivals.
Plan on seeing the Clinton grandchild as a campaign 2016 prop…it has already started….
I see that already hopefruit2,
SEPTEMBER 26, 2025
Attorney General Eric Holder on Voting Rights
——————————-
U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder spoke at the Voting Rights Brain Trust hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus.
————————————
http://www.c-span.org/video/?321674-2/discussion-voting-rights-attorney-general-eric-holder
score a goal. then, avoid playing the next game by scoring a red card. man, u suck. #ruiney.
Good morning to you too, Mr Sunshine.
morning miss moonshine.
#alliteration. 8-) 8-) 8-)
another day, another ……………
Thank you, Chips :)
Heads up
http://theobamadiary.com/2014/09/27/the-president-at-the-congressional-black-caucus-foundations-dinner/