The Obama Diary

[taking tour of hell] devil: careful, the floor is lava me: technically it's magma. you see lava is- devil: yep no surprise u ended up here

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Blind Chow (@BlindChow) October 14, 2025

"PUT DOWN THE GUN!" "Gun, you ugly and come from a broken home." "THAT WAS PERFECT BUT PHYSICALLY PUT IT DOWN."

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Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 20, 2025

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The customer is always right "But boss—" I dont care what he said "He said that amphibians are a type of reptile" Well they are now

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Elliot (@CoolHegel) July 10, 2025

"Girl, look at that body. Girl, look at that body. Girl, look at that body." - Hilarious police officer at the scene of a triple homicide.

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Pony Starwars (@tigersgoroooar) May 14, 2025

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all dogs go to heaven, son. that's why spot robbed that bank and murdered all those people. he knew god would let it slide

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chet (@chetprtr) April 04, 2025

"we're out of bread" "ciabatta be kidding!" [waiter takes out gun] "make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit" [i take out my gun]

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take it easy meng (@oxygenplug) March 10, 2025

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an apple a day keeps the doctor away. thousands of physicians are losing their jobs to this easy alternative. "wow fuck this" a doctor says

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chet (@chetprtr) October 02, 2025

What's up, beautiful? Do you like bad boys [throws gum wrapper on ground] or good guys [picks up wrapper, places in trash can]?

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Donnie Fairburn (@Donnie_Fairburn) June 16, 2025

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"Dad why'd u name me this?" I named u after the greatest athlete to ever live "Oh ok" Now let's go, Air Bud, we're gonna be late for church

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Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) August 09, 2025

Cop: Do u know why I pulled-*sees bald eagle in seat beside me* Oh didn't see him there. You can go. Me: America Cop: America Eagle: America

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Blind Chow (@BlindChow) October 26, 2025

FACT: The unemployment rate dropped to 5.8% — the lowest since 2008. 1.usa.gov/1z6dbjj http://t.co/APxY5U38ab

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US Labor Department (@USDOL) November 07, 2025

US economy added 200,000 jobs for 9 straight months and unemployment is down to 5.8%, which would be great news if the president were white.

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Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 07, 2025

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The first trailer for MLK biopic "Selma" debuts with Oscar buzz: on.msnbc.com/1tIxPUM (Reg Lancaster/Express/Getty) http://t.co/uka7oC28wN

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  (@msnbc) November 07, 2025

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I saw this trailer last night during How To Get Away With Murder (great show) and had chills. This movie is a MUST WATCH. Bravo, Ava DuVernay! - @AVAETC

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This is what 2.8 million extremists making decisions for a state of 28 million ppl looks like. Fucking insane. #TXGov http://t.co/fOAhxDg6MO

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Propane Jane (@docrocktex26) November 07, 2025

Show this to people when they start yapping about Texas needing to secede. Tell them to start encouraging Texans to vote instead. Thanks.

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Propane Jane (@docrocktex26) November 07, 2025

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Tomorrow, President Obama will announce his intent to nominate U.S. Attorney Loretta Lynch for Attorney General. http://t.co/eTnUvcR2BP

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The White House (@WhiteHouse) November 07, 2025

Compare & Contrast: As Dems contemplate how to appeal to southern white voters, PBO set to nominate 1st black female AG.

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Nancy LeTourneau (@Smartypants60) November 07, 2025

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