The Obama Diary

GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank

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pattymorgue (@pattymo) October 25, 2025

before mcdonald's i bet "don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule

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frankenmustard (@nice_mustard) July 18, 2025

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The person who first discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT. THE FUCK. IS GOING ON!!"

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Jazmasta (@jazmasta) October 10, 2025

[Bomb will explode in 26 seconds] *googles "how to defuse a bomb"* *clicks top result* *it's a 17-page slideshow.* GODDAMMIT *an ad plays*

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Damned O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) October 14, 2025

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Married men enjoy sex with their wives. Use sarcastic air quotes when saying any word in this sentence it's instantly funny

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Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) October 25, 2025

me: what a lovely day! even the flowers are singing! flowers (singing): the sins of our forefathers bind us to the dirt

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your good friend max (@maxlavergne) October 16, 2025

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So I'm just supposed to know that you can't eat the outside of the pineapple, like I'm some sort of scientist

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audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) May 23, 2025

flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign [guy next to me is still murdering someone] me: um excuse me

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slick (@fanofhell) October 17, 2025

250k Jobs/month, 3-4% growth, 11million w/ health insurance, Auto, Housing Turned Around, Domestic Oil production @ all time high,2wars over

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Wendell Pierce (@WendellPierce) November 01, 2025

American Recovery Act a success, unemployment from 10% to 6%. President Obama has saved this nation. Remember where we were Jan.2009.

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Wendell Pierce (@WendellPierce) November 01, 2025

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If the Republicans win Tuesday this recovery ends, we return to recession policies, and Gov't treasury will be privatized for the wealthy

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Wendell Pierce (@WendellPierce) November 01, 2025

Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, FDIC protection, GI Bill, Veterans benefits are all iconic American policy. All created by Democrats

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Wendell Pierce (@WendellPierce) November 01, 2025

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http://t.co/1m6MZLibQo

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miles reed (@milesjreed) November 01, 2025

If you don't tell people you're voting, how will they know you're better than them? facebook.com/events/1534591… http://t.co/GMAYcgnsQv

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  (@LOLGOP) November 01, 2025

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First Lady with a volunteer during a surprise visit to the Scott County Democratic Party phone bank in Davenport pic.twitter.com/feDKXVbMKL

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) November 1, 2025

President: "I don't know if you noticed, Obamacare works - pretty soon, they won't call it Obamacare anymore. Ha ha." pic.twitter.com/mf8XgQ6gMA

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) November 1, 2025

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Republicans tried to suppress the black vote in North Carolina. It's not working. motherjones.com/politics/2014/…

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David Corn (@DavidCornDC) October 31, 2025

The auto industry added 370,000+ jobs since 2009! Remember->GOP fought this! #KeepCalmVoteDem #1u #economy #fem2 http://t.co/3YITdgiQ3t

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BLUE Grassroots Win (@bluerootswin) November 01, 2025

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Mike Brown's mom is taking her son's case to the UN in Geneva: bit.ly/13pyLox http://t.co/Y70a7RML9L

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VICE News (@vicenews) November 01, 2025

What a Republican-controlled Senate would mean for the climate thkpr.gs/3586676 http://t.co/SHstGGJBst

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ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) October 31, 2025

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“New York Times says Dems are 2nd guessing their strategy.” “Which Dems?” … “uh…” … “Which Dems say that?” “The New York Times?”

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Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) November 01, 2025

I'm shocked the guy who set the record for leading the most filibusters would ever try to stop anyone from voting. wkyt.com/wymt/home/head…

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  (@LOLGOP) November 01, 2025

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Next up on Fox News: President Obama lures children to pagan festival at the White House. http://t.co/iHsdn9eVUk photo via @petesouza

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Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 01, 2025

Obama to GOP: Win, lose, doesn't matter. Obamacare isn't going anywhere. #GOTV #VETO Via: politicususa.com/2014/10/31/oba… http://t.co/UB7B6bNwt2

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Steve Marmel (@Marmel) October 31, 2025

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Settle down, Dems http://t.co/VFMyBVe4mo

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  (@pourmecoffee) November 01, 2025

Once upon a time everybody freaked the f--k out about Ebola, but then they eventually calmed down. The End. http://t.co/NzjN4LBlX6

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  (@pourmecoffee) November 01, 2025

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Your College GameDay Sign of the Day (^@bubbaprog) http://t.co/G4orSzJD0J

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  (@pourmecoffee) November 01, 2025

Son want to see a magic trick? "Sure Dad" *hands son a note that says MOVE OUT YOU JOBLESS LOSER* I just turned you into a homeless person

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būč|{¥ |$0+øp€ (@BuckyIsotope) November 01, 2025

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[1864] *sends carrier pigeon* ＭＹ ＤＥＡＲＥＳＴ ＢＥＴＨ…Ｉ'Ｄ ＲＡＴＨＥＲ ＴＯＩＬ ＦＯＲＥＶＥＲ ＩＮ ＨＥＬＬ ＴＨＡＮ ＢＥ ＡＰＡＲＴ ＡＮＯＴＨＥＲ ＤＡＹ *pigeon returns* ＮＥＷ ＰＩＧＥＯＮ ＷＨＯ ＤＩＳ

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Blind Chow (@BlindChow) October 31, 2025

[at restaurant] "check, please!" [waiter leans over] sir, again, there are no monsters under the table "ok....goodnight" wait what

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eric (@dubstep4dads) October 30, 2025