Ahhh yes of course, I adore wine. I especially love [looks down at bottle of Pinot Grigio] peanut Gregorio
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Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) January 19, 2025*about to rob a bank*
"Okay, lets do this. Everybody, grab a gun"
i dont need one
"why not"
i already have two
*kisses biceps*
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. (@phaggots) June 29, 2025****
a fun thing is introducing your spouse as "my 1st husband" even if you're still married to him, because it's not a lie. it isn't a lie sean
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tara shoe (@tarashoe) January 28, 2025[dentist interrupts funeral]
"He is dead because he didn't floss"
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. (@phaggots) January 30, 2025****
[bank robbery]
PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG
*no one moves*
IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?
"hey buddy, you didn't say simon says"
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. (@phaggots) January 13, 2025Sometimes I take Dairy Queen coupons to Burger King, and when they refuse them, I scream “That’s your fucking wife!!!”
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Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) January 09, 2025****
with extra mice
"rice or mice"
mice
"we don- are u a snake"
yes
"we cant deliver to a snake"
d'you know how long it took to dial this number
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k e e t (@KeetPotato) January 29, 2025*tucking daughter into bed*
Aww, she's already asleep.
*gently places stuffed horse's head next to her*
I know you peeked at your presents.
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Spork Club (@Howiesbookclub) December 18, 2025****
"OMG LITTLE TIMMY JUST FELL DOWN A MINE SHAFT, GO GET HELP!"
Lassie: It's my day off. http://t.co/KGYwCxWL5M
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GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) January 30, 2025me: i just quit cold turkey
turkey: *outside in the snow banging on window* please baby i can change
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Blind Chow (@BlindChow) January 23, 2025****
Pinata: Wrong hole. WRONG HOLE! http://t.co/2I86zc1C9Q
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Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 29, 2025My grandpa went to get his passport photos done but pressed the wrong button 😂 http://t.co/thq8rpSCka
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Anna Heslop (@AnnaHeslop) January 22, 2025
"Last night, America lost not just a coaching legend but a gentleman and a citizen." —President Obama on Dean Smith: http://t.co/xNFSOoin1J
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The White House (@WhiteHouse) February 08, 2025Dean Smith, civil rights champion and basketball coach, has died. For more on the former description, read this. es.pn/1D9OWEk
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Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) February 08, 2025****
Obama’s new budget puts billions toward fighting climate change thkpr.gs/3618406 http://t.co/p16I5nMM6Y
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Climate Progress (@climateprogress) February 07, 2025Obama is "polarizing" because a large part of this country would rather be wrong than admit the Black President is right. About anything.
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(@GrooveSDC) February 07, 2025****
R.I.P. to Tougaloo alum Anne Moody. She was heavily involved in the sit-in demonstrations. #blackhistory http://t.co/DgJNYEIs1W
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English Fields™ (@BougieIntellect) February 07, 202547 yrs ago today, officers killed 3 in student demonstrations in Orangeburg, S.C. clarionledger.com/story/journeyt… http://t.co/uVIXAaXcOs
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Jerry Mitchell (@JMitchellNews) February 08, 2025****
OK. We make resisting arrest a felony. But every cop who makes an unlawful arrest also gets a felony charge. Deal? nypost.com/2015/01/26/pol…
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Radley Balko (@radleybalko) February 07, 2025"Reagan said that he filmed a Nazi death camp as an army photographer, but he never left the country during WWII". politico.com/magazine/story…
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BWD (@theonlyadult) February 08, 2025****
So I was on the train to work this morning. Now, most women know that street harassers never think it's too early to street harass.
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Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025So that was happening. This dude was aggressively hitting on this woman, who was about my age. She was ignoring him. Everyone else was too.
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Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025****
He kept after her. I could hear him saying, "Come on. I want your number. You're so pretty. You don't want my number?"
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Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025She finally says, loudly, "NO, I don't want your number!" And what happened next was amazing.
—
Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025****
This young woman a few seats away, looks up and she says, also loudly, "AND NO, I DON'T WANNA GIVE YOU MINE."
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Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025And there was this awkward silence. Like, at first people just stared at her, myself include. But then I realized, and slowly so did others.
—
Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025****
The second woman's friend started laughing and she said (not as loud, but still audible) "NO, I DON'T WANNA MEET YOU NO WHERE."
—
Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025And together they sang, really loudly (and off key) "NO, I DON'T WANT NONE OF YOUR TIIIIIME"
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Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025****
The dude trying to get the first woman's number just stared at them, and the woman he was harassing was just LAUGHING. He was done.
—
Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025And if you don't get the joke....well, maybe your sense of humor needs some....TLC. *chuckles*
—
Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) February 06, 2025****
Nigeria is postponing its presidential elections until March due to security concerns. bit.ly/1xPAZF8 http://t.co/C0JSbWD6JH
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(@Newsweek) February 08, 2025Who is Kayla Mueller, the American held by #ISIS? Why her parents have not given up hope. @CBSEveningNews cbsnews.com/news/isis-host…
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Jim Axelrod (@JimAxelrod) February 08, 2025****
Cannot recommend more highly today this story on Dean Smith by @tommytomlinson that ran last year: espn.go.com/espn/feature/s…
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Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) February 08, 2025#BrianWilliams's helicopter lie is nothing compared with the misinformation spewed by US press in lead-up to Iraq War bit.ly/1yRfJ3f
—
BillMoyers.com (@BillMoyersHQ) February 08, 2025****
Mossad has broken with Netanyahu on Iran, adding fuel to the fire in Washington. @joshrogin @elilake bloombergview.com/articles/2015-… via @BV
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Dr. Hatem Bazian (@HatemBazian) February 08, 2025If Netanyahu has lost the Anti-Defamation League, he's in real trouble lgf.bz/1DqzJiC
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Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) February 08, 2025****
She's the daughter of a New Jersey police sergeant. nydn.us/1KAUwA4 http://t.co/MPd0JkfvNm
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New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) February 08, 2025Emergency dispatcher to 13-year-old girl as her dad dies: "Stop whining" wapo.st/1vyQW8z
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Washington Post (@washingtonpost) February 08, 2025****
Wait a minute... http://t.co/WcD45wHsyT
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MyFeminismRealAF (@FeministaJones) February 08, 2025Any campaign pushing abstinence that focuses on girls'/women's "reputations" loses http://t.co/hpLKCszs9z
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MyFeminismRealAF (@FeministaJones) February 08, 2025****
Gay marriages planned for Monday in Alabama unless US Supreme Court orders a stay: apne.ws/16EecWO
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The Associated Press (@AP) February 07, 2025Referendum To Bar Same-Sex Couples From Marrying And Adopting In Slovakia Fails buzzfeed.com/lesterfeder/re… via @jlfeder
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Adam Serwer (@AdamSerwer) February 07, 2025****
LOLZ at the white people shitting their pants that Obama dared remind them that they've done some horrific shit too nyti.ms/1FajtRM
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Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) February 06, 2025REMINDER: "Christian" America currently imprisons more black men than America enslaved in 1850 m.huffpost.com/us/entry/10073… http://t.co/BVuZiWmK56
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The Baxter Bean (@TheBaxterBean) February 07, 2025****
Kerry warns of 'additional' US assistance to Ukraine u.afp.com/KEH
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Agence France-Presse (@AFP) February 08, 2025Five African nations pledge to deploy thousands of troops, police and civilians to fight #BokoHaram militants ab.co/1vy0gtd
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ABC News (@abcnews) February 07, 2025****
Five dead, including two children, in horrific domestic violence-related shooting in Douglasville, Georgia: every.tw/1KwCZLf
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Moms Demand Action (@MomsDemand) February 08, 2025Thousands cut off from aid in disastrous Malawi floods. aje.io/4tmn http://t.co/3oNdh7z2wS
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Al Jazeera English (@AJEnglish) February 07, 2025****
Brian Williams just couldn't live up to the high standards of a news org that employs Joe Scarborough and Luke Russert.
—
Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) February 07, 2025BREAKING: Brian Williams to take a "brief leave." He becomes the first person ever to be punished for lying about Iraq.
—
(@LOLGOP) February 07, 2025****
EDITORIAL: "The small but dangerous minority of American parents resistant to vaccinating their children"
sun-tim.es/1EqYo8k
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Chicago Sun-Times (@Suntimes) February 07, 2025I was vaccinated as a child. 30 years later I am a complete failure. No way is that a coincidence.
—
(@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 08, 2025****
That moment when President @BarackObama met boy who inspired $1 million @humansofny fundraiser bbc.in/1zIDL3g http://t.co/QjHf3XRZoA
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BBC Trending (@BBCtrending) February 07, 202540 bills introduced in 17 states so far in 2015 to make it harder to vote brennancenter.org/analysis/votin… @BrennanCenter http://t.co/YioUssniux
—
Ari Berman (@AriBerman) February 06, 2025****
Dancing in the streets of Baghdad: a curfew ends & the city is finally coming back to life http://t.co/qBCT1a0C1Z
—
Liz Sly (@LizSly) February 07, 2025Finally got details of Putin peace plan proposal. #MSC15 http://t.co/W3HhKoMxgB
—
ian bremmer (@ianbremmer) February 07, 2025****
Booming jobs and falling gas prices make this the best economy in 15 years wapo.st/16zMdHL
—
Barry Ritholtz (@ritholtz) February 08, 2025This chart should be a question in the first 2016 GOP Debate cc @comebackdecade: http://t.co/Ma1YxhCHb0
—
Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) February 07, 2025****
When you graduated 6 months ago and can't find a job so you walk into every business with your resume http://t.co/cpDSvqax94
—
Brandon. (@BMarcTheBest) February 06, 2025"I smell steak on your breath, dude. And you serving us puppy chow. Fuck you mean?" http://t.co/2qCvesqYh8
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My Beard Looks Nice (@WinkWestwood) February 07, 2025
White House.gov WH Tumblr The People’s View Smartypants A Writing Corner (LL) Greg Sargent Steve Benen
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