Obama: What are you doing?
Biden: Oh nm just wearin shades eatin ice cream and flashin fat cash
Obama: Huh?
Biden: http://t.co/Y9Ygv0PH6N
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 12, 2025
Obama: I'd like to sit alone, Joe.
Biden: IMMA SIT BY YOU
Obama: There's plenty of other seats.
Biden: http://t.co/zayDEDDdkH
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 06, 2025
****
THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
"No"
WE WON'T ASK AGAIN
"No"
Ok guys, let's go. We can't ask again
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 05, 2025
"Let's create a phrase that will be used to console people"
-here, here?
"That makes no sense!"
-there, there?
"Omfg it's genius"
—
Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) February 06, 2025
****
*after plane crash*
*search crew arrives*
HELLO IS ANYONE OUT THERE? ANYONE?
*faint voice*
"Jason Deruloo"
Oh hell no
*search crew leaves*
—
Cocaine Cola (@SatansTongue) February 04, 2025
*gets down on 1 knee*
OMG NO WAY
*gets down on 2nd*
WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
*praying that i one day get out of this relationship*
—
. (@phaggots) February 04, 2025
****
DAD [HOLDING SON]: I’m going to call you Dan.
SON: Dad, my name is Josh. I’m 28. Put me dow-
DAD: Shhhhh… There, there, my sweet Danny…
—
some light crying (@somelightcrying) February 03, 2025
[zoo]
Dad, what's that sheep doing behind that other sheep?
[nervously] well son, they're making a sweater.
So that's knitting?
Yes, son.
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 06, 2025
****
"Can I pet your dog?"
Sure, his bark's worse than his bite
[dog bites three fingers off]
"WHAT THE"
[dog barks so hard the sun explodes]
—
Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) January 13, 2025
[Salem Witch Trials]
CROWD: Burn the witch! Burn her at the stake!
EXECUTIONER: Um, ok. [clears throat] Your broomstick is so 1691
—
Trentastic (@trentistweeting) December 08, 2025
****
when ur team loses the Super Bowl http://t.co/uhLhZ5fzSO
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 02, 2025
How's my foot, Doc?
"Bad news, Mr. Smith. According to these tests, you have athlete's foot."
*foot starts thanking God and giving 110%*
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 29, 2025
****
"Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today."
Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!"
[whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
—
Katie Orr (@IAmKatieOrr) July 27, 2025
me: haha im such a mess. i'm like a bull in a china shop!
bull: [in a china shop, stocking shelves] fuck you dude i work here
—
eric (@dubstep4dads) February 05, 2025
****
Cop: Know why I stopped you, Jesus?
You want a fish?
*hands him fish*
For speeding-
*Cop is suddenly holding 748 fish & Jesus speeds off*
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 24, 2025
[last supper]
Jesus: Take this wine & drink of it. It is my blood.
"Gross."
What was that, Judas??
"I said a toast! To yummy blood wine!"
—
Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 25, 2025




















































