*goes to watch youtube vid*
BUFFER
well okay *lifts weights*
*checks again*
BUFFER
*does steroids*
BUFFER
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"
—
(@Thynebear) August 18, 2025*stares into dark basement*
H-hello...? Is anybody d-down there?
.....
*a noise bellows up the staircase*
.....
"DJ KHALED"
—
Broga Pants (@crunkdumpster) September 05, 2025****
-I'm pregnant
-Did you say eggplant?
-No, I'm PREGNANT
-I'm sorry this isn't going to work out between us. I don't even like eggplant.
—
brandon from school (@bakedbrotatoes) September 22, 2025Parmesan Sir?
"Yes please"
Say when.
*Grates Parmesan*
Sir?
"..."
*Grates fingers*
SIR?
"..."
*Grates entire hand*
Please...I have a family.
—
GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) July 08, 2025****
*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room*
*I pretend to catch it*
*I walk over to the window and toss it outside*
"Grow up Karen"
—
GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) May 19, 2025"Simon says stand up"
"Simon says sit down"
"Simon says you're adopted son"
"WHAT?!"
"SIMON!"
"He has a right to know Brenda..."
—
GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) September 13, 2025****
Accidentally kill someone? Put the skull under a pillow. The tooth fairy will dispose of the evidence & give you $1,000.
—
Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 25, 2025[sarcastically] Well well well aren't you "Mr. Snappy Comeback" tonight?!
"Fuck off Dave...you gonna help me find my dog Mr Snappy or not?"
—
Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) September 09, 2025****
Life is a marathon. You hate it almost instantly. Then at the end, your body betrays you and you shit yourself in front of a bunch of people
—
Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) May 16, 2025When I was a kid we didn't have digital music, so U2 had to personally come to your house, tie you up, and jam a cassette tape in your mouth
—
būč|{¥ |$0+øp€ (@BuckyIsotope) September 17, 2025****
[tv interview]
did you get upset?
"that *beep* lied to me, she can go *beep* herself"
don't do that. just curse and we will add the beeps
—
Brent (@murrman5) June 01, 2025Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you've never been married and you love spending time with him?
—
Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) June 11, 2025****
Give a man a fish & he'll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That's weird" Teach a man to fish & he'll be all "Again with the fish?"
—
Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) April 05, 2025"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"
Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"
Son, did you just-
"Yes"
You're ready.
—
Stevie Nips (@StevieKnip) June 30, 2025
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