Pres. Obama will be so relieved to hear this @UnvirtuousAbbey http://t.co/xWLft3Hnc6
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Matthew Rindge (@mattrindge) February 13, 2025
had Barack Obama's real birth certificate. (Turns out he was actually from Kansas, and he simply wanted no one to know
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Fanfiction_txt (@fanfiction_txt) February 13, 2025
****
“Hi, I’m Kanye West. And I’ve got DirectTV”
“I’m Middle Earth Kanye West, and I’ve got cable.” http://t.co/bUQ2Xut8De
—
Ol' QWERTY Bastard (@TheDiLLon1) February 13, 2025
Drake's album cover looks like a suicide note from the Chik-fil-A cow 😭
@oldmanebro http://t.co/D9l24gUtE1
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@Artise1 (@Artise1) February 13, 2025
****
"I'm sorry but it's only 7 items or less in the dressing rooms"
[octopus glove shopping] "this is unacceptable"
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Brent (@murrman5) February 16, 2025
When the 1st guy gave the peace sign the other guy must have been like "how many things does this asshole think he can point to at once?"
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ryan (@Karate_Horse) September 20, 2025
****
Waiter: More water?
Me: No thx
Waiter: *pours water* Have some
Me: I don't-
Waiter: *starts gushing water out of his eyes & mouth* WAAATERRR
—
patrick (@tastefactory) February 14, 2025
[2 dogs eating dinner]
"u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great"
[stops chewing]
"why does this taste like chocolate"
—
Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 12, 2025
****
I made a muppet out of some weird produce at the supermarket. I'm a married adult man with no kids. http://t.co/50gWBNvbjh
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patrick (@tastefactory) February 08, 2025
So kids, back in '15 your grand daddy was the hero of WWIII when he challenged Vladmir Putin to a rap battle and rhymed sucka with Russia
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Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) February 12, 2025
****
I think my wife is cheating on me. She doesn't think I'm awake, but some guy named Alarm calls her every morning at the same time
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(@Ristolable) December 14, 2025
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who's half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
—
sean! (@KimJongSean) January 28, 2025
****
*80 year old white man looks out over the Grand Canyon* it was even more amazing before Obama
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I'm Old & I Suck Ass (@DryDickRando) July 07, 2025
*Biden hands Obama 2 tickets to 50 Shades of Gray*
Happy V-Day
"Thanks. Michele and I-"
*Biden puts a finger to Obama's lips*
They're for us
—
Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) February 14, 2025



























